Monday, May 5, 2014

My BEA WARNING Label

Are you going to BEA this year?
I am!
I can't believe it's only a few weeks away. BEA is a great place to connect with people you only know from social media, not to mention there are BOOKS! 

PEOPLE! 
 
BOOKISH PEOPLE! 

I love meeting new people but I always feel like I should warn them first. 
So here are a few things to keep in mind about me.

1.) I am not a morning person. 
At all. 
In fact, to expect anything from me other than a grunt of acknowledgment that we're both upright and breathing before I've had a cup of strong coffee is risking life or limb.
 Maybe both.
(It took my mother 20 years to figure this out.)
You have been warned. 


2.) I'm actually pretty shy until you get to know me. 
And then you can't shut me up. 

Also, I can be, well...
I am. 
 
Just ask the people that know me best. 

 
3.) My awkward goes on high alert when I'm nervous.
 Sadly, there are a handful of authors who can attest to this. I mean, who doesn't get excited about meeting the brain behind a beloved story and having the VERY FIRST words out of their mouth being something like...


"I have frosting on my hands. But it's okay, because I didn't lick them or anything."


"I love you! And omigod that is not at all what I wanted to say. Not that you aren't worthy of love. Because you totally are."

I'm most proud of this one...

"We could go in together and hold hands like in Kindergarten."
(This was while waiting for the single stall bathroom to become available.)
Like what words come out of my mouth. 

 
4.) I am a hugger.
 I do try to gauge other people's hug-o-meters and if it's on the low side, then I'll refrain or just go for a handshake. However, sometimes my own hug-o-meter is a little off and I go in for the squeeze and realize----nope. 
Bad idea. 

For example, Andye from Reading Teen's hug-o-meter is always set to...
 and yet, I manage to misread it. 
Every.
Time.



5.) I'm a little competitive. 
Like on a scale of 1 to 10, I generally fall into this category.
This is why it's not a good idea to ask me to play games. Or you know, cut a line I've been standing in for hours. (It's not really a good idea or a show of good manners to do this ever, but people try it all the time.)



 6.) I am terrible with directions.
I would've made an awful pirate.
 Don't let the app on my phone, the piece of paper in my hands or the map drawn on my arm in Sharpie fool you. I have no idea where I'm going half the time. 
You're more than welcome to follow me around, we'll have fun hanging out for sure, but if there is some place you HAVE to be and aren't sure how to get there, you might want to ask someone else. Like Hannah from The Irish Banana




7.) Caffeine is my friend. 
It's yours too because when I suffer a deficiency, everyone suffers.
Things happen. 
Things like having to listen to me ramble incoherently, or go off on long tangents about random topics. The worst is when you're subjected to my singing and dancing. 
In public.


8.) I get grumpy when I'm hungry, tired or in pain. 
Basically I turn into a 5'7" toddler who has been known to bite. 
So it's best not to push me when I'm in this mode, unless of course it's toward a cupcake or a Twix bar the size of my head. (Chocolate is the cure for everything.)

9.) I come with cupcakes. 
Most of the time anyway. 
I've been asked by a few people if I am bringing any with me to BEA, and while I can't guarantee that I'll have any on my person while wandering around the booths, but Betty from Book Rock Betty found me on the floor at ALAMW and managed to score a cupcake so you never know!

10.) I like you. 
I do. 
Unless you're mean. 
Or a stalker, then no. 
But if you spot me at BEA before I spot you, PLEASE don't hesitate to come up and introduce yourself, especially if you're Twitter handle/avi is different than the human you because I DO want to meet you.

You just might want to, 
I don't know...


~ Jen 









16 comments:

  1. Yeah, I feel your pain with the "not being a morning person" thing!
    I wish I were going to BEA, but I hope to live vicariously through Twitter!

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  2. Love this, first of all. Second of all. I'm not like Andye, so HUG AWAY! Third of all, the breakfast should be interesting, I think I shall bring you about 6 cups of coffee. Lastly, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEEYOU :)

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    1. I can't wait to see you too, Brooke!

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  3. LOL, this is me too! I could have written this article except I only get shy when people mention my books. If it's about anyone else's, I can talk for hours to random people. ;-)

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  4. I know you said to lower you expectations, but I can attest that it is simply not true. You are fantastic and funny and also, is 10 a hard fast rule? What if I turn into a stalker once I find out you have cupcakes, will you still like me?

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    1. You have full stalking rights, Steph!

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  5. I too am NOT a morning person Jen. I can't even function before about 10am, so anything prior to that is not pretty. Also? My mouth, like yours, is dangerous and gets away from me way more often than I'd like. For instance, last year, I introduced myself to Elizabeth Norris on 4 separate occasions over a 2 day period. To the point where she was finally like "I know. I met you yesterday. And also this morning." O.o

    *Jenny falls down dead from embarrassment*

    So good to know there are others out there like me:) I so look forward to meeting you!

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    1. Hahaha, yeah, I think we might be the same person. ;)

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  6. This is all sorts of awesome! ♥

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  7. LOL!! I laughed all the way through this because YES TO ALL OF THESE!! I've fully embarrassed myself in front of multiple authors (including John Green where it was all I could do to restrain myself from petting his arm. And, no, I didn't say a word to him. Just stood too close. Yes. Way awkward.).

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  8. But you do awkward so well! LOL

    I'll try not to pounce on you or ask too many questions before your coffee ... but you know how I can be.

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    1. You have been warned, Hannah. ;)

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  9. Haha I absolutely love this! And it's so relatable my thoughts during reading were basically OMG YAAAS xD Aside from not being a morning person, which I am, a joke by the universe probably because I'm grumpier during the afternoon, I couldn't agree more! :)

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