If We Were Having Coffee: A Personal Post

Jamie, over at Perpetual Page Turner has done a few of these If We Were Having Coffee posts and like she said, sometimes we forget that there is more to a person (and their life) than what you see in a single blog post or 140 characters. Lately, it seems a lot of people using social media have forgotten there is an actual human being behind the keyboard.

So, grab your beverage of choice, have a seat and let's chat.

 FYI: Objects in picture are not as golden or crazy-eyed as they appear IRL.

By the way, if we were actually having coffee together there is a 99.9% chance cupcakes would be involved too, like these...

 Vanilla

Cookie Dough

Chocolate

  I'll stop teasing you now. 

If we were having coffee I would tell you I am tired. All the time. And I hate it. If you've followed me for any length of time, or know me IRL, you're aware that I suffer from migraines. Trust me, I am just as sick and tired of hearing myself lament about them as you are. Back in the fall, my Neurologist put me on some new meds that are supposed to help prevent migraines, and while I've seen a minuscule improvement such as, fewer days during the month spent sitting perfectly still in a quiet, dark room with sunglasses on (not even kidding), the side effects have been less than exciting. Slow metabolism. No energy. Tighter clothes. You get the idea.

If we were having coffee I would tell you I am overwhelmed. With writing. Blogging. Homeschooling. Social media. Life. Feeling overwhelmed makes me sleepy. 

I need to stop, drop and nap before I can adult again.

You think I'm kidding, but ask The Husband, he can tell you stories.

If we were having coffee I would tell you I had a blast at RT Dallas this past May with my mom! My personal goal for the week had been to show up for my agent appointment and make it through without completely embarrassing myself like hurling or bursting into tears. This is harder for me than it seems, but I did it! I pitched my current project and was asked to send it along with the book I wrote back in 2013. I was elated! I practically floated out of the room, caught sight of my mom waiting for me and burst into tears. Because even though I am an adult, there are still times when my first thought is, I want my Mommy. They were happy tears though, excited tears, and it was exactly the writing boost I needed. So I thought.

If we were having coffee I would tell you both of those manuscripts are still sitting on my laptop in various stages of "rewrite" because I came home and allowed Fear back in. This is frustrating and embarrassing but mostly disappointing. But I refuse to give up.

If we were having coffee I would tell you I want to be able to do all the things for all the people. I want to read all the books, promote all the authors, participate in every blog tour, and go to all the book events, ever. But I can't. I'm learning to tell people no. This is hard for me, especially since I've been doing this blog thing for over 4 years now and I feel like I'm letting people down. 

If we were having coffee I would tell you I've had to think about what matters most in my life. In order to do that, to focus on those things, I've had to let go and be more picky about where and how I spend my time. Not everyone in my life understands or likes that. And that's okay.  

If we were having coffee I would tell you social media has become a hostile, toxic environment lately. People have lost sight of how to treat each other with respect, kindness and love. They have confused kindness with weakness and disagreement with hate. Some have pointed fingers, called others--people they consider friends--names, and flung Bible verses like weapons all while cloaking their profiles in a rainbow.

If we were having coffee I would tell you sometimes I retreat into my own head space not out of selfishness, but out of self-preservation. I've been doing a lot more of that lately as a result of some of the things I mentioned above. It really isn't you, it's me. 

 If we were having coffee I would hand you another cupcake and say, "Tag, you're it. Tell me something about you now. Bonus cupcakes if you can make me laugh.